The Crazy in the Photo

It’s been a Bones marathon at our house for the past few months and since we are people that love our blood, gore, corpses and absence of emotional content very much, we’ve been quite happy and satisfied. That is until two nights ago when I watched episode 9 ‘The Doctor in the Photo’. Remember when I said lack of emotional and dramatic content is a key factor to my escape tv? Well, that episode broke the rule. I’ve been hashing and rehashing in my mind plot lines and quotes from the episode:

Sweets: The mental analysis of Lauren Eames: She was highly controlling and she was stressed …. To deal with this, she emotionally detached herself and made herself to not care. In order to start feeling nothing, she began behaving erratically, in order to feel something – anything…

You may not be a Bones fan and I wouldn’t blame you so I’m not going to go into details about the episode. The above lines are self explanatory anyway.

Normally I watch episodes and then forget them a minute later. Which makes following highly plot based stories a huge nightmare. But this one touched something and it made me stop and think. About regrets (which I convince myself that I have none of) and about emotions – or lack of.
I’m not an emotional type, whether by nature or by an excellent suppression system I’ve highly developed and perfected over the years, beats me.
I can’t deal with pain. Subconsciously and almost automatically I push it aside and bury it somewhere deep inside. It’s gotten to the point where I stop feeling and stop thinking.

And when the character of the psychologist Sweets said the above mental analysis a ping set off in the back of my brain. Aside from the anger and frustration issues that I have, the rest if it is me! The adrenaline rush and pursuit of any kind of thrill; roller coasters, bungee jumping, hanging outside window ledges from 10 storey buildings. And these were no easy feats for a girl with motion sickness and a fear of heights. And let’s not go into the self-cutting. Maybe I was just looking to feel anything.

Hopefully I’m older and wiser now. And I am trying to make a conscious effort to stop the logical rationalization. There will be times where I will mentally stop myself with
‘No you are not pushing that aside. You need to stop and think how you feel.’

To wrap up…

Micah: How’d it work out? Brennan: I listened to the universe. I felt something. I’m sad. Micah: That’s so much better than dead. Or even dead inside.

Refrigerator Dragons

I was swimming through the river, the lazy water lapping away at my hair. A peaceful calm and serenity descending over me. I was the happiest I’d been in years when suddenly a loud bump reverberated within the calm blue sky and a formidable whirlpool formed in front me slowly sucking me down, down into it’s black existence. Just as I was going under I heard Jo’s loud protests and whines.

I woke up with a sigh and looked at the shiny numbers on the IPhone beside me. 1:10am, another sleepless night. Got up and trudged to the boys rooms, gave Jo his pacifier, bear and turned on the lullabies.As I was turning to go back and salvage whatever was lift of my peaceful swimming dream, I noticed Adam’s bed empty. And then I realised what the initial bump was; Adam had gotten out of bed and gone downstairs to watch TV.

You see, that night was the first night of his mid-term break and since Adam was notorious for refusing to wake up unless a marching band goes through his room during weekdays, yet managing to get up at 5:30am, all bright and ready on weekends, my husband had made a deal with Adam. If he got up quietly in the morning and didn’t wake Jo, the light-sleeper, then he could go downstairs and watch TV or play with his iPod until I woke up.

So Adam did just that. Except he didn’t wake up at 5. He got up at 1am, all bright and ready to start his day and maximise the amount to parent-free time he has. I had to force him to go back to bed after numerous of complaints of ‘I can’t sleep’, ‘It’s morning’ ‘But, daddy said I could’. Needless to say, I couldn’t go back to sleep after that. And Adam woke up all bright and cheerful at 7:45am, after I had to deal with a noisy Jo for an hour.

I’m so not looking forward to the holidays.

Bakogun Toys Bakogun Toys

I also woke up to find these strange creatures sticking to my fridge…

OLRC’s News at 8

I know it’s Birthday Craze Week and all, and I promise you I’m not slacking off. In fact I’m working on the very creepy very cool Samurai Power Rangers cupcake toppers. Pictures tomorrow, I promise.

So I decided to take a break from all that and share with you highlights of my day.

You are now listening to the OLRC (On Life Reading’s & Cupcakes) Daily News at 8. Todays top stories are:

-It’s been snowing all day today. No big surprise there. But every thing is white. Again. It had just become green yesterday after all the snow from the last snow-storm had melted. So yay, lucky me, more snow means more shoveling out the driveway. On the bright side maybe I could count that towards my daily exercise routine (See that. I’m trying to imply that I exercise regularly, which I obviously do not. But don’t blame a girl for trying to make a good impression. And this sub-parenthisis comment has gone on much too long).

It’s a white, white world.

– I decided to let Jo have his first hands on experience with snow for the first time today. Needless to say he was not happy.

I am not happy!

– In other news, you know that website ‘Shit My Kids Broke’? Well Jo decided he would like to become a regular subscriber. And his first submission; my IPad. Yes the picture below is correct, he decided that he didn’t like the plain old touch-screen on my IPad and thought it may look prettier with a web of zig-zagged and mangled cracks. So he slammed it on the floor. End of story.

My poor, poor IPad

– On the subject of Jo; he is getting so big and his vocabulary is expanding day by day. He can now say three whole words: ‘Hot dog’, ‘Hello’ (on the phone) and ‘Poo poo’. Yay me! While poo poo is a little icky, it’s actually even weirder to see a 60cm baby toddling around yelling ‘Hot Daw’ at the top of his lungs.

The origin of ‘Hot Dog’

So this is my day and it’s highlights. And much like a small town news report; it is extremely boring and totally uneventful (except for the broken IPad, that is a heinous crime). I just hope your day was much more exciting as mine. And even if it was not, why don’t you share those dull moments. After all even shared boredom becomes exciting.

Now stay tuned for sports and the weather.

Shameful Apologies & Confessions

I’ve been bad. Very, very bad.

I’ve been absent for two whole weeks. Even though I promised myself over and over agin I would stick with this thing to the end (like that’s never happened before).

Anyway I have a multitude of reasons that I’ve been gone. The first thing is our container finally arrived from Egypt and I had a houseful of this stuff to take care of:

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Ironically I assumed that once our stuff arrived, my house would feel more settled and less depressing. Ironically I found out that I packed way too many clothes and toys and way too little furniture. The only piece of actual furniture we brought with us is a large sectional couch which turned out too big for our living room. So we’re still sitting on cushions on the floor. Looks like this house will be a loong work in progress. Let’s hope we don’t move before I finish – or maybe we move before I start?

The second thing that has kept me very busy is Eid.

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Happy Eid to everyone out there who celebrated it. The whole Eid celebration and crafts cooking thing is gonna be a whole (or maybe two) other post, but until then I thought I would make a shameful happy comeback and tell you about a moment I had yesterday. Actually make that two moments.

I was watching the Glee (yes you found out my shameful secret – I like Glee) ‘Break-Up’ episode yesterday and the William/Emma fight scene hit a little bit too close to home. When Emma responds to Will’s query of

“I thought you were supportive of this?”

“I am because I know how much this means to you. But this is for you. I didn’t know you just expected me to drop my entire life…. I don’t want to sit alone in some hotel room somewhere while you’re off fulfilling your dreams.”

It just hit me that this is me. Don’t get me wrong, I approved of this move. Heck I even pushed for it, but I feel that everyone is off fulfilling their dreams while I’m stuck at home after giving up my whole life. Selfish I know. And mean, but what can I do?

Anyway I decided maybe it’s time for professional help to get out of this funk that I’m constantly in. So I manned up and called the counseling help line that my hubby’s work recommended in the re-location package. It took me half an hour of psyching myself and mustering the courage and when I finally did it I got an unanswered dial tone. Go figure.

So I leave you with the promise to be much better and post more frequently. And since I highly doubt a lot of people are reading this, that means I can break my promise easier, right?

Love and cheers