It’s The Dark You’re Hating

I see you looking at me, worried, tense. I know you look at me and see night. You see an unfathomable canyon with no end in site. But deep down below a garden grows; pure lush greenery and majestic mountains. A deep blue ocean that has weathered the fiercest of storms. Yet it struggles to push through the dark that you hate, and on the twilight dreamf-lled days I know it can.

You think I’ve been dead for such a long time. At least inside where it counts. And if I let this darkness sink me, then death would be the least of my concerns. But someday the right breeze will come along and carry the blanket of darkness away and maybe you’ll face your hate and climb down the canyon to where I will be waiting, hoping you’ll see me for who I am and not what I can’t be.

Yes I know I missed this Daily Prompt. But I love it so much that I’m gonna do it anyway. Besides who sets the rules here? Me of course!

Anyway, I always felt that there is a soundtrack playing the background to my life. With appropriate music playing at the right times; heavy metal when I’m angry, swelling instrumentals in touching moments and a funky rock beat for the uplifting moments. And that is mainly why I write about so many song lyrics. A well-written song has the power to move me like nothing else can. They are like poetry to music.

If I had to choose one song to say who I am I would definately go for ‘Unwell’ by Matchbox 20, especially the chorus, which goes something like this:

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be

And ‘Unwell’ is me to the T. But since I already talked about this song here. I’m gonna go for my second favorite song; ‘Not What You See’ by Savatage. Does saying I like Savatage give away the fact that I was a total 90s girl? Well, who cares, after all you’re only as young as you feel or some other crap.

In case you are not aware of the lyrics, I’ve included my favorite passage from it:

Can you live your life in a day
Putting every moment in play
Never hear a word that they say
As you watch the wheels go around
Tell me if you win would it show
In a thousand years who would know
As a million lives come and go
On this same piece of ground
I’ve been waiting
I don’t understand what you want me to be
It’s the dark you’re hating
It’s not who I am
But I know that it’s all that you see

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Further proof that I’m just a little (or a lot) crazy

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Runaway Train

So tired that I couldn’t even sleep
So many secrets I couldn’t keep
Promised myself I wouldn’t weep
One more promise I couldn’t keep

It seems no one can help me now
I’m in too deep
There’s no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I’m neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life’s mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin’ in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don’t believe it

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin’ at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin’ back
Runaway train tearin’ up the track
Runaway train burnin’ in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

I had my alternative rock genius mix on during my daily (or at least my try-to-be daily) walk today and Runaway Train by Soul Asylum came up. I know it’s very old and a little cheesy but I still listened to it three times. It heard a very melancholy note inside me, kind of seemed going with my mood the past month. So here I am deciding to share the gloom and post the lyrics.

PS I dropped the first verse in case anyone is looking