One Blue Line? Two Blue Lines?

I’m late. Not for an appointment, or for the bus, or for anything else for that matter. I’m late for that monthly visit that makes all women worldwide wonderful people to be around.

I’m 5 days late for my period. And as a result I’ve been frantically peeing on pregnancy sticks non-stop for the past five days as if getting rid of all that pee on a stick will bring my period around.

Am I pregnant? No! Do I want to be pregnant? Hell, no! Or I don’t know! Or maybe? I’m just so confused and apprehensive and freaked out that I don’t know what I want. Ironically if I do get pregnant it will yet again help me defy all conventions and medical norms by getting pregnant on an IUD. My first two kids were almost miracles, since I was told I would not get pregnant without fertility treatment and both times I was surprised by the little blue lines on the stick without once popping a pill.

Back to the pregnancy scare. Ironically, I’ve been throwing around the idea of a third kid to my husband the past few months, partially to see how it sounds aloud but mainly to see him freak out and go into a deep sweat. But now that it may be true, I’m turning into the coward that I know I am and calling a do-over.

I’m probably not pregnant. The probability of it happening with an IUD is pretty low. My period is probably just taking it’s sweet time to get ready, in the mood and come, much like my arrival to all my appointments. But that’s too much probably’s for me to live comfortably. I need it to come now and I’m willing to do anything to get out of this waiting phase. I wonder if a rain-dance will work? Or does it work like child birth? Do spicy food and sex hurry it along? Should I try jumping up and down?  I’ll try anything to keep me from going crazy.

And so I’m off to the drugstore to buy yet another pregnancy test. I think they’ll start offering me a buy two get one free promotion to help me out after all the money I’m spending on this stuff.

 

The People We Never Knew

I looked at her across the school playground. She had glowing brown eyes and an infectious smile. Her hair was covered in a bright head scarf that reminded me of my friends back home. She was smiling at her little girl as the bright summer sun beat down and girl danced around on the green grass. Suddenly a fresh wave of home-sickness hit me. I miss my friends, I miss connecting to somebody, anybody.

I look again at the cheerful woman as I hoist Jo from one hip to another. A breeze carries her words to me and I hear the familiar whisper of an exotic language. My exotic language, and in a very similar dialect to where I come from. Too many signs are nudging me, telling me ‘Go, get to know her.’ Still I hesitate, characteristically shy, waiting for a better opportunity.  In a burst the school doors fly open and excited, happy kids shoot out in every direction. Adam is late, as usual. But I see her walking up to slight, handsome boy.There is a frail look about him but he seems to be only a year or two older than Adam. He’s probably in Grade 3. She hugs him and their heads gather together with shared love. As she looks up, she catches my eye and offers a tentative smile. I smile back and turn to Adam, who has just arrived. It’s time to go home.

Over the weeks, we cross paths and share smiles, but nothing more. I keep on trying to muster up the courage to go say hi. I worry about rejection. Or disinterest. And I never make a move. I keep looking for her every day, thinking that this will be the day I connect. But I stop seeing her. Maybe the cold and snow make she her wait in the car. Or maybe I’m not looking hard enough. Either way I can see her no more.

Today I got a letter from Adam’s school. They informed us that one of the Grade 3 boys who had been previously diagnosed with brain cancer has been getting weaker and weaker an is now terminal. His family all flew East where he can spend his remaining days near loved ones.

It has to be her. And the boy. The handsome smiling frail boy that I saw is dying. Physical pain grabs at my heart. I can picture her happy eyes full of tears and sorrow as she sits by the bed of her dying son. I can see the little girl playing in the other room. Scared and anxious but not knowing why. I can see the father sitting in a dark, dark room trying to compose himself so he’ll smile and laugh in front of their son.

I don’t know what I regret more. The fact that I was too scared to reach out and never got to know this family before they broke apart. Or that I could have been of any help to her when she needed it most. Or that I will never see that happy boy again or watch him play and laugh with my son.

I don’t know her. I lost that opportunity. And I don’t think I’ll ever get another chance. But if I could, I would go back to that warm summer afternoon, walk up to her and say,

“Hi. I just moved here and I’m trying to get to know people. Want to get together sometime?”

 

Written in response to the Daily Prompt: Set It Right.

OLRC’s News at 8

I know it’s Birthday Craze Week and all, and I promise you I’m not slacking off. In fact I’m working on the very creepy very cool Samurai Power Rangers cupcake toppers. Pictures tomorrow, I promise.

So I decided to take a break from all that and share with you highlights of my day.

You are now listening to the OLRC (On Life Reading’s & Cupcakes) Daily News at 8. Todays top stories are:

-It’s been snowing all day today. No big surprise there. But every thing is white. Again. It had just become green yesterday after all the snow from the last snow-storm had melted. So yay, lucky me, more snow means more shoveling out the driveway. On the bright side maybe I could count that towards my daily exercise routine (See that. I’m trying to imply that I exercise regularly, which I obviously do not. But don’t blame a girl for trying to make a good impression. And this sub-parenthisis comment has gone on much too long).

It’s a white, white world.

– I decided to let Jo have his first hands on experience with snow for the first time today. Needless to say he was not happy.

I am not happy!

– In other news, you know that website ‘Shit My Kids Broke’? Well Jo decided he would like to become a regular subscriber. And his first submission; my IPad. Yes the picture below is correct, he decided that he didn’t like the plain old touch-screen on my IPad and thought it may look prettier with a web of zig-zagged and mangled cracks. So he slammed it on the floor. End of story.

My poor, poor IPad

– On the subject of Jo; he is getting so big and his vocabulary is expanding day by day. He can now say three whole words: ‘Hot dog’, ‘Hello’ (on the phone) and ‘Poo poo’. Yay me! While poo poo is a little icky, it’s actually even weirder to see a 60cm baby toddling around yelling ‘Hot Daw’ at the top of his lungs.

The origin of ‘Hot Dog’

So this is my day and it’s highlights. And much like a small town news report; it is extremely boring and totally uneventful (except for the broken IPad, that is a heinous crime). I just hope your day was much more exciting as mine. And even if it was not, why don’t you share those dull moments. After all even shared boredom becomes exciting.

Now stay tuned for sports and the weather.

Press Reset

So what’s new?

Nothing much; gave birth. Got mastitis – had an operation. Got my dream job, worked on my dream job for 6 months, travelled half of them, missed my family, missed my kids. Then my husband got his dream job – in Canada! Quit my dream job. Packed my life, my two kids and moved to Canada. Currently living in a city where I know no-one and no-one knows me. Have become the dreaded stay-at-home-mom/housewife. Career going no-where, social life non-existent and completely killed my sense of self.

But life is still good. So I’m back to blogging. Especially since I had to give up my weekly blog on Supermama. Up till now haven’t decided where this blog will head; parenting? Interior design? Life? Writing? Life as a transported expat?Who knows, maybe one of the above, maybe all of them, maybe none of them. Either way,  I’m on for the ride…