Once upon a time, I used to have an insanely awesome immune system. Said immune system would work vigorously throughout the entire year. And it only took one week off, whereupon I would get my yearly cold. But because it was such an awesome functioning system (much like my Macbook) it would leave behind an excellent backup plan that only made my cold mildly irritating. My exceptional immune system got so good at blocking any and every kind of virus that I can count the number of times I got a fever on one hand.
And then I had Jo….
Apparently my immune system could not handle the extra load of a second baby and decided to quit. And it hired the ‘Charlie Sheen’ of immune systems as a replacement.
Anyway, in the past 16 months I have had:
– A c-section; Left a very interesting red jaggedy, scary looking line on my tummy. My breasts, the bellybutton and the c-section scar now form their very own ‘smily face’.
– Mastitis; After three wonderful days of delirious fevers, I had my breast slit open, squeezed empty out of an enormous ball of rust and then ‘not-restiched’ back up. Yes, you heard that right. I was blessed with this ‘wonderful’ doctor who believed that if he stitched me back up I would have lopsided breasts. So instead, he left me with a gaping hole, a prescription of antibiotics and the instruction to pour honey on my wound twice daily (no comment there).
– A sprained knee ligament; a skiing accident where I miscalculated my speed, ended up crashing into the net fence, getting my skies stuck and then promptly flying out of them and over and above the net fence. It was quiet a sight, I’m told.
– Pneumonia; which resulted in even more fever, hallucinations and a wonderful stoned-like cough. And on top of that I was thousands of miles away from family and friends with two clingy kids and a daily one hour train commute to Adam’s school.
– A fungal infection as a result of the 3 week antibiotic course I had to take for my pneumonia. The irony of life.
And now even more fever, a lump in my throat and the fires of hell when I swallow.
My husband believes that my health is not adapting that well to the clean air. He thinks my body got used to the smog and pollution rich environment of Cairo and is now suffering from withdrawal.
All I know is that I want my immune system to come back. Please, pretty please? I promise I’ll make it up to you. Anything you want. Even if it’s fish-cod liver.
If this post seems weird, it may be because of my fever delusions. Who are you again and why are you staring at me like that?