Why am I asking? Because you can be physically, heart-wrenchingly alone. No one for miles to tell you bless you if you sneezed, yet you feel warm, soft and loved. Surrounded by people who care. Or you can be seeing people day-in and day-out, talking frivolous chit-chat with people on the train, with your husband at dinner or with your kids on the walk home from school, but deep-down inside you feel like you’re caught on a barren planet (let’s call it Krango) where there is no-one else in solar system but you. And that sense of utter and chilling loneliness is slowly suffocating you much like the oxygen-less system you inhibit.
So which one am I? Actually neither and both. I feel blessed to be still connected to my friends and family through technology. Ahhh, Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp, Viber, Skype …. what would I have done without you? I can still remember our parents taping radio cassettes with their voices and mailing them back to our grandparents so they could stay in touch.
But no matter how much the internet has kept me in touch with my near and dear, it also acts like a stinging ulcer; every time I see them, I’m constantly reminded of the pain of not actually being with them.
On the plus side though, I finally got through to the counseling helpline today and have an appointment tomorrow morning. Although I’m a little skeptical about how much help it will be if I lack the ability to open my heart and talk freely to anyone (this of course doesn’t include you guys reading, because I know that you don’t exist and I’m in essence just talking to myself).
So cheers and peace out.