After a long time of emotional and cultural suppression, how do you pull on the reserve of emotion and care that you simply stopped using? It doesn’t matter if it was the government or the regime or even self imposition that made you like that. And whether it was the result of 30 years or just 10, it’s still a hard road to turn back from; the disconnection, the not caring, the not having a passion or a cause to fight for.
Now you’re standing at a crossroads, do you continue down that dark and bleak but stable path or do you decide to follow the less even one. The trees are brighter, the sky bluer but you know the rain is just as nasty and winds are extremely powerful. And even if you decided to follow the more colorful road would you even know how to climb the hills, interact with the birds and pick yourself up after sliding down the slopes? Do you have the skills? Or have you lost them after years of packing them away in the attic?
The way I see it, me and Egypt both stand at the same crossroads; Egypt and Egyptians have been disconnected from any sense of responsibility, of personal and national empowerment. No one is ever held accountable for their actions and ethics, or lack of. And now we have to learn self-monitoring and the importance of personal values.
As for me I’m lost between my absence of emotional connection, lack of drive and passion and the need for a goal in my life; some form of achievement. I want to commit-dying to connect-yet at the same time physically cannot. My husband laughs and calls me crazy. But here lies the real dilemma; I cannot be a gray person, passing through life with no direction. But at the same time cannot muster up the will and interest to give myself to anything. My husband is right; I will go crazy if I don’t choose one way or another.
So Egypt, which way will you choose? Will you fall back into the habit of; ‘me, against you and everybody else? And if there is no immediate gain for me, I don’t care?’ Or will you rise above it all? Will history books 30 years from now be in awe of how Egyptians taught the world the meaning of revolution, freedom, and more importantly the importance of ethics and values in rebuilding a nation?